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Rohan lashed out at her when she called him ‘careless’ since he forgot to pick her up from work and she preferred to share a cab with one of her male colleagues. “I don’t know what gets into him at times. He just gets so furious though at times he’s at fault. Didn’t I say the truth?? He’s so damn careless! What’s wrong if I tell him the reality?” As I pacify the poor girl, I remember incidents from my friends’ and my life and our relationships. Seriously, something really gets into men when we try to tell them they’re at fault.
While discussing this with a guy friend, I get into a fierce argument. Kunal tells me that guys are entitled to be like this, as they’re the dominating species. Being a fervent feminist, I strongly oppose what he says. “Guys can get angry and girls are supposed to pacify them. We wear the trousers so we’re supposed to dominate. No girl can tell us how shabby we are, even if we are.” Get lost weirdo!! I tell myself.
I remember another friend’s case. Manasvi’s boyfriend never dared to infuriate her. He was kind of intimidated by her. She used to boast of her supremacy over him telling us how he listens to her and does all according to her whims. “Boys need us. And we should never underestimate ourselves. They shouldn’t be making an ass out of us all the time. Girls are the ones with the tantrums not guys. And the ones who have them are plain gay.” Of course she discovered afterwards that her boyfriend was cheating on her.
My childhood buddy Anisha had the same mentality. She was kind of inspired by what Manasvi believed in. she applied the same formula on her beau Ankit. Well yes it worked out in the initial stages and she got a lot of attention and stuff. But now even she has a lot of issues. People tell her to change her ways and be a girl and not a man (before I get lynched for writing this, the guys were the ones who said this to her). She used to retort, “As a girl, I don’t consider myself lesser than anyone dude! I have the right to show the attitude as I know my value. And I know how to show him my value. Had it been anyone other than my own friends saying all this, I would have kicked their butts for saying that.”She’s quick to quip. Ankit now calls her less, sometimes talks to her properly while rest of the time, they just end up fighting. All in all, it’s a rollercoaster relationship as Ankit wants domination, but doesn’t get it, while attention hungry Anisha wears the trousers and Ankit ends up feeling pissed most of the time because of the same.
My Own Story…
Finally, I remember my own case. I break up every third day with my boyfriend. We fight like almost every day on some trifle issue or the other. And let me admit, I’m the one who instigates his anger the most. It’s my fault most of the times as I’m not ready to bend or sacrifice on my end of attention seeking despite knowing that he gives me my fair share of attention but he needs some too. He handles my PMS blues always and listens to all details of the latest fight with my family members. He deserves some attention too.
Dude, the thing is, every guy, no matter how self proclaimed macho, has a six year old child hidden inside him. He cries, whines, craves for attention, but never shows it to the world as he’s supposed to be the tougher sex- unaffected by emotions, and highly mediated by testosterone.
Women on the other hand are progesterone and estrogen mediated species stereotyped with possessing emotions. Yes they are very emotional I agree. Both the hormones are highly domineering in terms of the emotions of a woman. Yet, testosterone is one hormone that totally makes a man impulsive and passionate. Men have more intense forms of emotions but they do possess them. My boyfriend even told me once, “A girl has the upper hand in a relationship. But we guys need to be felt like we’re the ones dominating. We have huge egos characteristic to our physiological and psychological setup. We need our share of attention and care. We need to attain some extent of emotional security. If we end up bowing to a girl’s needs all the time, how would our demands be met?”
He’s fairly reasonable in his point. Girls and guys have different rights in a relationship. And a perfect balance needs to be made between both the genders. Because it’s not another Mars versus Venus war, it’s about a mutual understanding, a RELATIONSHIP that needs impeccable harmony. Here are some points I concluded from my brainstorm cum debate session:
- Never comment on a guy’s sexuality or masculinity no matter how nasty the fights get. This can be fatal to a relationship. It’s these things that a guy can never forget. They’re extremely touchy about these issues.
- Just as a guy believes that his girl is the most amazing and beautiful on this planet, even though there are millions of better girls lined up, the same situation applies for a girl. Even though you can have so many handsome and classy guys better than your beau, you stick around with him because you love him so he’s the greatest for you. Make sure you make him realize this.
- How would you feel if your man tells you about all the super hot girls he saw on the street or his sexy classmate at college?? I would boil in jealousy and rage! You feel bad. Right? The same way, a guy does too when you talk about your stinking rich super mature and nerdy and perfect guy buddy. We all get insecure. So let’s have mercy on the guys and not talk about the Mills and Boons heroes even if we have an encounter with at least ten of them every day!!
- Give your guy his share of attention. When he’s extra upset about something, just listen to him and relieve them even if you’re dying to tell them about the vixen at your college who’s bad mouthing you. Remember, guys don’t like clamor. They want a girl who’s extra understanding and caring and is all ears to them.Everyone hates an attention deprived fussy girl. And emotional security is the prime thing they look for in a relationship.
- Handle his tantrums when he’s super angry. If he says certain unpleasant things which he obviously didn’t mean, don’t stick it to your heart and have hard feelings. Most of the time when we’re angry, we don’t know what we’re saying. Just a little empathy, sensitivity and patient listening on one’s part can save the whole situation.
- Every girl goes through those ultra crappy days every month when she’s super pissed at life and has intense mood swings. Make sure you remind him that you’re going to be really mean and nasty instead of giving your poor beau a shock by your emotional outbursts. When you warn him beforehand, he gets mentally prepared to handle you and he feels really special while sharing this part of you. Trust me, guys find it a privilege to be with you during your bad times. : P
- Guys crave for admiration. Inflate his ego. Magnify all his miniscule efforts to big, great ordeals. Tell your man how sexy the white shirt looks on him, tell him how much you love him, how classy and hot and macho he is and how you’ve been waiting for him all your life. I know every girl feels this way. I do too. Even if your guy aint the handsomest he truly is very special to you. There’s nothing wrong in expressing what you feel. Your lover boy would only be happy to hear it all!! This raises his self confidence, and every human being wants to be with a person who enhances his/her self confidence isn’t it?
- Make an extra effort to look attractive in front of your man. And make sure he realizes you’re doing it exclusively for him. Just use your charms to turn him on all the time and he won’t stop loving you for this!!
- Pamper your guy. Make him feel special. Do some of the most cliché things that make a man feel like the king of the world. One thing guys love in this world is being made to feel loved and coddled. So spoil your brat girls!!
How do you handle your man? Want to share some experience? Tips? If you are guy reading this, do you agree with what I said here? Would you like to add something?